What Is The Difference Between Real And Ideal Values

What's the Difference Between Real and Ideal Values? A Deep Dive into Personal Ethics

Understanding the difference between real and ideal values is crucial for personal growth, ethical decision-making, and navigating the complexities of life. While our ideal values represent the principles we aspire to live by – the perfect version of ourselves – our real values reflect the principles that actually guide our actions and choices. This gap, often significant, is a key area for self-reflection and improvement. This article will explore this crucial distinction in detail, examining how they are formed, how they manifest, and how to bridge the gap between the two.

Defining Real and Ideal Values

Ideal values are the moral principles and beliefs we consciously or unconsciously strive for. They represent our aspirations, our vision of a perfect self, and the kind of person we want to be. These values often stem from our upbringing, religious beliefs, cultural influences, and personal experiences. They are the standards we set for ourselves, often idealized and unattainable in their pure form. Think of them as the North Star, guiding our direction, even if we never fully reach it. Examples include:

• Honesty: Always telling the truth, regardless of the consequences.
• Integrity: Maintaining strong moral principles in all situations.
• Compassion: Showing empathy and kindness towards others.
• Justice: Upholding fairness and equality.
• Selflessness: Prioritizing the needs of others above your own.

Real values, on the other hand, are the principles that actually shape our decisions and behaviors. These are often revealed through our actions, not our words. They may align perfectly with our ideal values, but often, a significant discrepancy exists. This discrepancy can stem from various factors, including conflicting priorities, fear of consequences, societal pressures, or simply a lack of self-awareness. Examples of real values might include:

• Efficiency: Prioritizing speed and productivity over thoroughness.
• Security: Choosing stability and safety over risk and adventure.
• Convenience: Opting for the easiest path, even if it's less ethical.
• Popularity: Seeking acceptance and approval from others above personal conviction.
• Self-preservation: Protecting oneself at the expense of others.

The crucial difference lies in the action or inaction. Ideal values are the aspirations; real values are the outcomes reflected in our day-to-day behavior.

Identifying Your Real and Ideal Values

Identifying your real and ideal values requires honest self-reflection and introspection. Several techniques can help:

1. Self-Reflection Exercises:

• Values Clarification Exercises: These exercises involve ranking values in order of importance, identifying situations where you've demonstrated specific values, and exploring potential conflicts between values.
• Journaling: Regularly journaling about your experiences, decisions, and motivations can reveal patterns and unconscious biases that influence your actions. Ask yourself: What truly motivates me? What choices do I repeatedly make, even when they conflict with my ideals?
• Mindfulness Practices: Mindfulness meditation and other mindfulness techniques can help you become more aware of your thoughts, feelings, and motivations in the present moment, allowing you to observe your values in action.

2. Observing Your Behavior:

• Analyzing Decisions: Examine past decisions – both big and small – to identify the underlying values that guided your choices. Were your actions consistent with your ideals? If not, why not?
• Monitoring Reactions: Pay close attention to your emotional responses in various situations. Your reactions often reveal your deeply held values, even if you're not consciously aware of them.
• Seeking Feedback: Ask trusted friends, family members, or colleagues for honest feedback on your behavior and how they perceive your values. Their perspectives can offer valuable insights.

The Gap Between Real and Ideal Values: Why It Exists

The gap between real and ideal values is common and often significant. Several factors contribute to this discrepancy:

• Cognitive Dissonance: When our actions contradict our beliefs, we experience cognitive dissonance, a state of mental discomfort. To reduce this discomfort, we may rationalize our behavior, downplay the importance of our ideal values, or even deny the inconsistency altogether.
• Fear and Self-Doubt: Fear of failure, judgment, or rejection can lead us to compromise our values and prioritize self-preservation over ethical conduct.
• Social Pressure: Societal expectations and the desire for acceptance can pressure us to conform to norms that conflict with our personal values.
• Lack of Self-Awareness: Many people are unaware of their own values or the inconsistencies between their ideals and actions. This lack of awareness hinders personal growth and ethical decision-making.
• Conflicting Values: We often hold multiple values that may come into conflict in certain situations. For example, the value of honesty may conflict with the value of loyalty in certain circumstances.
• Immaturity: Young people may not have fully developed their value systems, which can lead to inconsistencies between ideal and real values.

Bridging the Gap: Aligning Real and Ideal Values

Bridging the gap between real and ideal values is a continuous process that requires self-awareness, commitment, and perseverance. Here are some strategies to help:

1. Increasing Self-Awareness:

• Regular Self-Reflection: Make self-reflection a regular practice, using journaling, mindfulness, or other techniques to understand your thoughts, feelings, and motivations.
• Seeking Feedback: Actively solicit feedback from trusted individuals on your behavior and values.
• Identifying Triggers: Pay attention to situations that cause you to compromise your values. Understanding your triggers can help you develop strategies to cope with them more effectively.

2. Developing Coping Mechanisms:

• Mindfulness Techniques: Mindfulness practices can help you manage stress, anxiety, and other emotions that may lead to compromising your values.
• Stress Management Techniques: Learning to manage stress through techniques like exercise, yoga, or meditation can help you make more conscious and ethical decisions.
• Cognitive Restructuring: Identify and challenge negative or irrational thoughts that lead you to compromise your values.

3. Setting Realistic Goals:

• Small Steps: Don't try to change everything at once. Start by setting small, achievable goals that align with your ideal values.
• Gradual Progress: Celebrate your successes, no matter how small, and learn from your setbacks.
• Patience and Perseverance: Changing your behavior and aligning your real values with your ideal values takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself and keep striving for improvement.

4. Seeking Support:

• Mentors or Role Models: Find mentors or role models who embody the values you aspire to and learn from their experiences.
• Therapy or Counseling: A therapist can provide support and guidance in exploring your values and developing strategies for aligning your real and ideal values.
• Support Groups: Connecting with others who share your values can provide encouragement and accountability.

The Importance of Aligning Real and Ideal Values

Aligning real and ideal values is essential for several reasons:

• Increased Self-Esteem: Living in accordance with your values leads to greater self-respect and a stronger sense of self.
• Improved Relationships: Authenticity and integrity build trust and stronger relationships with others.
• Greater Happiness and Fulfillment: Living a life aligned with your values brings a deeper sense of meaning and purpose.
• Ethical Decision-Making: A clear understanding of your values guides you in making ethical choices, even in difficult situations.
• Enhanced Personal Growth: The process of aligning your real and ideal values is a journey of self-discovery and continuous growth.

Conclusion: The Ongoing Journey of Self-Discovery

The journey of aligning real and ideal values is a lifelong pursuit. It's not about achieving perfect consistency, but about striving for greater congruence between our aspirations and our actions. By engaging in self-reflection, developing coping mechanisms, setting realistic goals, and seeking support, we can gradually bridge the gap between who we want to be and who we are, leading to a more authentic, ethical, and fulfilling life. The process is iterative, requiring consistent effort and self-compassion. Embrace the journey, celebrate the small victories, and remember that progress, not perfection, is the ultimate goal. The gap between your real and ideal values is not a sign of failure, but an opportunity for growth and self-discovery.